I was sitting in my bed, when the clock read 3:26am. For some reason I can’t sleep, so I decided to work on my website. So, I began to edit my blog, and I came across this prompt. The first time I read it I found myself at a 60 second pause. Then I went on to reading people’s comments to check out their blogs. While doing so, I came across a lady’s blog who is currently writing a book about grief & loss, and as I went on to read her introduction to the story I couldn’t help but feel as if I was starting the therapy I have been reluctant to attend. At that moment I was led to respond to this prompt, now let me tell you a story that will align with my answer the question.
About 3 years ago I lost my best friend, who was my father. He passed away from cancer, and a couple of years before that I lost my mother to a drug overdose. In the mist of all of that taken place, I started to lose friends and family, even my marriage was falling apart. Everything around me seemed to be dark to me, and I couldn’t see my way out. I was consumed by fear, abandonment, loneliness, anger, grief, and many other things. I felt lost because the only person I knew to turn to in times like this was taken from me. I meet a woman at work who was heavy on her faith walk, and at that time I was not to fund of going to church due to my past experiences. However, her and I had become really good friends to the point we started going to church together, even on trips to major church conferences. Now the last time I went to church with her, we were visiting someone else’s church and a lady she introduced to me attended that church. At that time, I was going through so much mentally and I wasn’t sure if I was gone to make it. I had just had a baby and was left to raise her on my own. My mind, body and soul were drained I felt depleted and uncapable of raising another child as a single mother. Especially, during the darkest time of my life so I started to plan for adoption. Which I realized later, was just me acting off false emotions but at the time felt real to me.
Now the lady that my friend introduced to me got wind of my struggles and she agreed to care for my baby for as much time as I needed. Even her and a few members from the church came by to help me get my home in order to help clear my head. So, one of the nights she had my baby it was bible study at the church, and I would go if I knew she would be there that way I could spent time with my baby. As I was enjoying service and taking in some food for thought, the speaker called for alter prayer before dismissal. I sat still holding on to my sleeping child, as I watched majority of the people even my older two go kneel at the altar. Something in my spirit told me to go to the alter and kneel in prayer with my babies. Which I did, after laying my baby on her blanket which I spread out on the empty sets and asked for assistance from those who were close by in keeping an eye out for her. As I approach the alter, I noticed I was a little hesitant to kneel. But I did. Soon as I did, a lady who was kneeling to the left of me immediately started sharing with me a vision that she had just seen regarding me. She told me, that she saw a red rose bush, which is my favorite bush because every home me and my father lived in had one in the front yard. Anyways she said the bush had one rose, and it was limped over as if it was dying but it still had its leave and color it just wasn’t as vibrant. Then, she went on telling me she saw God pluck the rose from the bush and place it in the palm of his hands. God then began to give the rose a few caressing strokes then placed it back into the bush. Once God placed the rose back into the bush, it had then become full of many vibrant red roses. For months, I had prayed and meditated on what she saw and was seeking clarity being at the time I had no idea what it meant and neither did she.
Now, with all that being said. To answer the question, What gives me direction in life? I would have to say it’s God and his holy spirit. God will use people, things and places then leaves it’s up to us to know his voice. I know everything works together for the Good of those who love God and or called by his name. And if we are not connected to him, we can easily be misled. One of the scriptures read “For my ways is not your ways and my thoughts are not your thoughts. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways.” Isaiah 55:8-9. So, now I am determined daily to always thank God for ordering my steps and directing my path with the light of his everlasting Love and Holy Spirit.
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